QUARANTINE DOESN’T MEAN UGLY WITH A CAPITAL “EWWWWW!”

Okay, in case y’all don’t know, I’m an extrovert. On the Myers-Briggs test I tested in the 99th percentile as an “E.” This self-isolation thing is super hard on hard-core “E” people. (ENFP in my personal life, ENTJ in my work settings, in case you speak Myers-Briggs) Now my Kent, who is way far on the introvert side, is perfectly working from home and never leaving except to go wade in the pool. (It’s getting warm in Texas!) Adding to that, the hotel is still open, so I’m working at my Wonderful Westin behind plexiglass two to four days a week, so I get out….sweet release!….masked, gloved, and temperature-checked twice a day. But also I was brought up by my awesome Mom to shop every day, so I’m at WalMart, or Kroger, or Whole Paycheck daily to pick up stuff for dinner.

So let’s talk, peeps. If you go out, don’t go out looking like shit. Yes, we still notice. At least shower. At least put on clothes that aren’t as wrinkled as Sophia Petrillo’s body (she was the mom on “Golden Girls”). Splurge a bit and shampoo your hair or at least run a comb/brush through it, and wear more than pajamas and a bathrobe (and YES I have seen that multiple times) to the store. Imagine a 400-lb woman in pajamas and a bathrobe and a mask waddling through Kroger in slippers. It ain’t pretty.

And, just think, if you are clean, coiffed, and dressed at least half-way well—you can proudly look around and think “I just may be the best looking person in this establishment.” In these times we need validation however we can get it!

Let’s discuss store protocol. Do you really need to squeeze EVERY tomato and avocado in the produce section with your un-gloved and who-knows-if-they’re-sanitized hands? No. So stop it. And at the check-out counter, stay back. Socially distance. I *WILL* turn around and tell you to back the hell up and follow the red stickers on the floor. And if you give me shit about that I will eagerly verbally rip you to shreds.   (It’s usually the people that don’t care how they look that violate the Social Distancing rules.) (And those that know me, know I am NOT making threats I won’t follow through with!)

Please, please, be safe. Whatever safe is today. Use the sanitizer when you go into the store. WEAR THE MASK. Our government has gone back and forth—“Wear the mask!”—“Don’t wear the mask!”—“Wear the mask!”—“Don’t wear the mask!”—but since they can obviously not figure out what the hell to recommend, wear it. Be safe. And if you’re female, take a cue from Dr. Birks. Stylish neckware is always attractive addition. And although I disagree with his politics, if you’re a guy take a clue from Senator Dr. Rand Paul. Let that crazy hair fly! Since most of us haven’t seen a barber in months, embrace the hair. His curlies look great on him. And in the miniscule chance he reads this—thank you, Dr. Paul, for pulling shifts in the ER in your downtime from the Senate during this pandemic. Your politics have nothing to do with this. Your Hipocratic Oath does.

So: be the best looking person in your grocery store, WEAR YOUR MASK, remain socially distant, and be careful, including washing your hands, frequently. Y’all stay safe. Stay alert to the ‘rona, but not fearful. God knows there is more to be fearful of in these bizarre days! More content in soon.

LUV,

Bill

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